The Power Of Tears

I have been avidly following Bruce Parry's TV programme, 'Tribe', in which he goes to live as one of the tribe in various locations. Towards the end of the last programme, in which he lives with the Penan tribe in a rapidly shrinking piece of rain forest in Borneo, I found myself weeping uncontrollably at the terrible situation these people find themselves in. It really is awful, the land on which they live symbiotically, is being eroded by government sanctioned logging companies. They are a gentle, wonderful people and they may be forced to enter the 21st century against their will, just for a bit of commercial revenue.

However, although it was truly moving and shocking, there are many such incidences in our modern world and many other catalysts that could produce a flood of tears if I let them. But I try not to. I have accepted the idea that it is somehow shameful to weep openly at will, whenever something moves me. So instead I gulp down the tears and feel that familiar tightness in my throat. Even when I watch a sad film with my husband whom I have known for over a third of my life, I still censor myself and don't weep as freely as I might were I alone.

Although weeping is often seen as a sign of weakness or sentimentality, it is widely acknowledged that those who express and own their feelings are healthier, happier and even live longer. It has been suggested that weeping, sobbing and even better, wailing, have a therapeutic value equal to that of meditation and yoga. Quelling the negative health aspects of stress, anger and anxiety - even raising immune function. I know that when I have the odd night to myself and allow the tears that well up to come out unhindered, I often feel relaxed and cleansed, sleep better and wake feeling refreshed.

Not that I cry constantly, nor am I depressed. Tears can be simply an expression of anxiety or even anger, a release that does not require explanation. Once the tears have been allowed to come, there is often a stream of associated triggers that come to mind. Someone who died, feeling lonely, a memory of something that you no longer have. It can feel disingenuous to cry about these things on the back of the original catalyst, but that is the beauty of letting it all out - it all feels the same and doesn't need justifying. Maybe next time you find yourself welling up at the Andrex Puppy, you might let those tears out and not feel like a daft softy. You could save yourself a packet on therapy in later years and even stave off a cold or two - but remember to stock up on the man sized tissues.

Roast Beetroot Salad

I can't get enough of this salad at the moment, its sweet, earthy, garlicky and salty all at once yum! I made it when some friends came round for dinner and had to fight Fi for the last pieces. I give quantities per person as it keeps until the next day and you can adjust it for the number of diners.

1 washed medium raw beetroot per person

1 dessertspoon of thick yogurt per person

1/4 clove of garlic per person

lemon
Turkish chili flakes

salt flakes

preheat the oven to 200c.

Cut the beetroot in half with the skin still on and place cut side down on an oiled tray. Drizzle over a little more oil, sprinkle with a little salt and bake until soft and the skin is wrinkled. Set aside until cool enough to handle.

grind the garlic to a paste with a pinch of salt in a pestle and mortar. Add the yogurt to this and sharpen to taste with lemon juice - not too sharp though, it should be more creamy and garlicky.

Peel the beetroot using a small knife to pull the skin from the flesh in strips (wear rubber gloves if you care about your hands). Slice into half moon shapes and lay on a serving plate - casually overlapping. Spoon the yogurt mixture over the beetroot in a spiral or circle, but don't spread it over like you are icing a cake. Sprinkle mild chili flakes over the yogurt sparingly. If you have time, leave for about half an hour for the colour of the beets and chili to bleed a little into the yogurt.

Squash Soup To Warm The Cockles

Squash is a very starchy vegetable, so it makes a beautiful velvety smooth soup. However, for those of us who are trying to be a little more carb conscious and want to maintain constant blood sugar levels (important for energy conservation and figure maintenance) you need to increase the protein content of any meal containing a quick release starch like squash. The easy way to do this with a soup is to add some pulses - here in the form of Puy Lentils.

Roast Squash and Puy Lentil Soup (4 portions)

Soup
half a butternut squash
2 onions (red or white) finely chopped
3 handfuls puy lentils
salt and pepper
lemon
knob of butter

Garnish
2 tbsp whole milk yogurt
1 clove garlic
olive oil
see bottom of page for other options

Peel and de seed half a medium squash - butternut, Turk's head etc. This recipe works best with dense fleshed squashes. Cut it into large chunks and roast it on a lightly oiled tray in a hot oven until it’s soft. Or use half a squash that you have roasted for another meal.

Heat a large heavy bottomed saucepan and add three tablespoons of oil and a knob of butter. When the butter starts to foam add the onions with a twist of salt and fry gently until they are a deep golden brown colour. Cook them on a very low heat and stir every few minutes or so. This takes about 20 minutes, you can’t rush it!

While the onion is caramelising, boil up 3 small handfuls of puy lentils/brown lentils until tender but not mushy. Drain the lentil cooking water into the onions through a sieve and add the squash into the pan. Set the lentils aside for now. Simmer for 5 minutes.

Liquidise squash and onion in a blender and add stock or water until a thick creamy consistency. You may need to do this in two batches. Put back on the heat, season with salt, pepper and lemon juice and add the cooked lentils.

Serve with a couple of spoonfuls of the following yogurt mixture on top. In a pestle and mortar, mash the garlic with a pinch salt till it is smooth. Stir in two tablespoons of live whole milk yogurt (or 1 ½ tbsp of Greek yogurt let down with some milk) and a teaspoon of fruity olive oil.

The soup is really bought to life by any combination of the following sprinkled on after the yogurt: whole cumin seeds, aniseeds, fennel, nigella, sesame or caraway seeds (toasted in a dry pan until the warm spice scent rises), Turkish chili flakes (pul biber) or urfa chili flakes (urfa biber) sprinkled over, chopped spring onions, fresh herbs such as, parsley, mint, coriander or dill, or my favourite addition, half a small cooking chorizo cut into 1cm square chunks and fried in a teaspoon of olive oil till just starting to crisp– sprinkle over the soup and drizzle on a little of the delicious smoky red oil.

Accompany with a green salad or dark greens steamed and dressed with lemon juice, black pepper and butter, and maybe some wholemeal pitta bread cut into triangles and toasted till crisp with some humus to dip.

Pistachio Fairy Cakes

I couldn't find my ricciarelli recipe and will have to dig deeper, anyway - ricciarelli are jam packed full of sugar and as I'm supposed to be espousing healthy eating I thought I would post these instead, and they are wheat free woo hoo!. I originally got the recipe from the wonderful Claudia Roden and whilst browsing I found an image of the cakes themselves, thank you Giniann.

These sophisticated fairy cakes are rich and exotic. In their cases they look much like an ordinary golden fairy cake, but when you break them open they reveal a jewel like green interior, fragrant with orange blossoms. Great with coffee for a dinner party or as suggested - to partner the Turkish Delight Martini (and toss all notions of healthy eating aside momentarily).

Pistachio Fairy Cakes

200g raw pistachios
100g blanched almonds
125g fruit sugar
1 ½tbs orange flower water
2 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
1 lemon
bun tray and paper cases

Set the oven to 180C and fill the bun tray with paper cases

Grind the almonds and pistachios with the fruit sugar until fine, but not enough so that they start to turn to paste – some texture is desirable.

Grate the zest from the lemon and juice half of it.

Turn the nuts into a bowl and beat in the eggs, yolks, lemon zest, blossom water and a dessertspoon of lemon juice.

Fill the paper cases with the mixture about two thirds full. If there is any left over, just reserve and bake after the first tray has come out (unless you have another tin!). Bake for 20 minutes until golden and firm to the touch. Cool on a rack and store in an airtight tin. They are best eaten within a day or so.

Figs Figs, good for the heart (you know the rest)

Thankyou to la petit chinoise for this photo. I know I seem to be banging on about either figs or rose water at the moment - look would you just give a gal a break here? When I get into something I really like to explore it properly and in the vaguest sense of eating seasonally, to make the most of things when they are at their best. So gather the last of this seasons figs and have this for breakfast or desert. A high calcium treat that will keep you regular.

Figs and Greek Yogurt with Toasted Almonds

Choose nice ripe fresh figs and allow 2 per person.

Cut a cross in the top of each fig and squash it at the bottom so that it opens up like a flower. Put them on a tray and drizzle over a little balsamic vinegar and a light sprinkle of fruit sugar (not more than a teaspoon per person). If you like cinnamon, you can dust them lightly with this, or a sprinkle of finely ground cardamom (of course at the risk of having too much of a good thing, you could also sprinkle a few drops of rose water in here too).

Put them into a very hot oven (220c) gas 8, for a few minutes just until the juices start to run. Or put under a hot grill, but be careful they don’t catch and burn, let them cool until warm.

Use flaked almonds or chop your own whole almonds. Toast them in a dry frying pan on a low heat, shaking every minute or so until golden tinged and set aside.
Put two figs on each plate and a nice dollop of Greek yogurt next to them. Drizzle over any juices. Sprinkle with flaked almonds. Eat!

Turkish Delight Martini

This is a variation on my previously posted Rose Martini, and has obvious similarities. I was so taken (mostly with the packaging) of the Trenet rose petal schnapps that I just had to make a cocktail with it. As the schnapps is the most lurid pink unadulterated, I knew it would make a great delicately rose pink cocktail, and so it does. This recipe makes 1 cocktail, so multiply it by however many you wish to make. I wouldn't make more than three at once though unless you have a giant cocktail shaker.

Turkish Delight Martini

50ml rose petal schnapps
tsp gin
tsp martini bianco
2 tsp rose water
½ tsp orange flower water

Chill a martini glass in the freezer or fill with ice. Pour all the ingredients quickly into an ice filled cocktail shaker and swirl without shaking until the outside of the shaker is frosted - 30 seconds.

Strain into the martini glass. For added camp pop a piece of icing sugar coated Turkish delight into the glass, or float a pink rose petal on top. Some pistachio ricciarelli would be great here. Will dig out a recipe and post later.....

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.

We have a horrible time of it emotionally in England. We want to be close to others and make friends, yet there is this intricate web of cultural mores we need to observe before we can make contact (I know this sounds suspiciously Jane Austen-ish). I can't invite someone I have just met home with me, unless I am fantastically drunk, in which case I can blame my outre behaviour on alcohol. I must wait until I have met them a few times in company of others I know and then invite them round. I'm just talking friendship here, not dating.

One of the main stresses in many of my patients lives is fear of abandonment. I know that sounds extreme and something a psychologist might link to a damaging childhood experience. But it is the most common human experience - feeling lonely and wanting support. Friends are wonderful and most people have at least one really close friend. But relationships of all sorts are fraught with the fear that we will be rejected and we go though all sorts of games to prevent that happening, by not showing too much of ourselves and staying, 'safe'. How soon can I call someone my best friend? What if I'm not their best friend? Better not to make any such pronouncements (again, unless drunk, in which case everyone is my best friend). How about people I used to know and like but have fallen out of contact with? Can I just start things up again like nothing has happened or do I have to invent some hugely stressful event which prevented me from getting to the phone/writing a letter/emailing, for three years?

These ruminations were sparked by an old friend who I started emailing again after a period of about ten years. This person represents part of my past, but I realised that I had been foolish to let them drift off and that I would like to maintain contact. As we live in the country and they live in a dirty old city, I thought I would invite them to stay. Up until that point emails had been flying back and forward - this person has a very sharp mind and a different way of seeing the world to me - I really got a lot from those emails. Then nothing. After a few months I emailed to ask them where they had gone. Nothing. Then a whole year later I emailed again and this time the correspondence got going again, so I invited them down to stay. Then nothing.....

They had said something previously in an email about communicating with someone that you used to know but has changed and grown up. How it was almost like talking to a stranger, where you could say anything, splurge, be anyone. I think that's what happened here. They felt they had said too much, opened up too far and the emails had transgressed the normal boundaries of friendship etiquette. When presented with the actuality of seeing me they realised that they had been acting drunk without any alcohol to blame it on. Shame.

Pan De Higo (Spanish fig bread) SCD

This is not bread really, it's nearer to a really, really dense fig Christmas cake. I'm using it as part of my starter for the upcoming pre wedding dinner I'm catering - alongside Serrano Jamon and roast cherry tomatoes. Traditionally its formed into a small round cake and left to dry out in the sun, but being devoid of sun and wanting something a little classier in presentation, I have pressed mine between sheets of rice paper to be sliced thinly and laid next to the Jamon. The white rice paper adds a little something to the eye - like a shirt collar I guess - and it also brings back a comforting memory of buying little pastel coloured sheets of the stuff to nibble on when I was a child. Pan de Higo, is a real autumnal treat and seems to fit with the deepening, darkening flavours we associate with the onset of autumn: game, mushrooms, dried fruits, beetroot, chard, brassicas - you get the picture.

To make Pan de Higo suitable for the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, (or any other grain free diet) all you need to do is leave out the rice paper and press the Pande Higo between two sheets of baking parchment. Sprinkle the bottom one with ground almonds in a sparse layer and press on the fig mixture. Cover the top with the same sprinkling of ground almonds, another layer of paper and follow the recipe from there.

Pan de Higo goes down a treat with a plate of cured meats, especially Jamon, chorizo and the Italian fennel Salami, Finocciono. Cheese is another great partner or a slice of walnut bread or sourdough toast drizzled with rosemary infused oil. Of course it begs to be washed down with a glass of nutty Olorosso or raisiny Pedro Ximenez sherry (or the driest fino or manzanilla for SCD followers).

Pan de Higo

500g Dried Figs

200g Whole Almonds

2 tbs Sesame Seeds

2 tsp Runny Honey

3 tsp Ground Cinnamon

1/4 tsp Cloves

1/2 tsp Aniseeds

3-4 tsp Brandy

2 Sheets of Rice Paper (or parchment and ground almonds)

Toast the almonds in a dry frying pan on a low heat or in a low oven until a nut squeaks when bitten (let it cool a little first!) - don't let them colour or they will taste bitter. Grind in a food processor until some are powder and some left in chunks. Put into a mixing bowl. Finely grind the cloves and aniseeds with a small pinch of salt and the same of sugar. Add this to the bowl with the cinnamon.

Chop the hard stalks from the figs, quarter and mince in the food processor until they form a sticky ball. Add this to the bowl, scraping all the sticky fig from the processor bowl. Drizzle over the honey and half the brandy and work into a paste with your hands, add the rest of the brandy if you think it needs it.

Place a large piece of greaseproof paper on a board and top with a sheet of rice paper. Turn the whole lot onto the rice paper, smooth out till it is about and inch thick all over and smooth another sheet of rice paper on top. Wrap the greaseproof around to enclose the whole thing, put a hard back book or board on top and weight down with something heavy (I use kilner jars full of water). Leave for a few days to firm up and then it can be sliced. You can trim it up to neaten the shape. Keep wrapped in the greaseproof in an airtight container. It should keep for a month or so in a cool place.

Sable Biscuits

After trying out some sable biscuit recipes that included nuts and others that included a huge proportion of sugar, I hit upon one (with a bit of tweaking) that seemed to give the right amount of buttery crispness without being too sweet. It doesn't keep long, so I would recommend making the dough to order and storing it in the fridge or freezer un cooked. You then only need to slice off as many biscuits as required and bake them up fresh each time. If you have to make them in advance, store them in an airtight box and crisp them up in a low oven for 10 minutes if they go a little soft. They will still taste great, but crispness is everything with these biscuits.

The font of this new recipe was Jane Grigson - sensible and knowledgeable, I often refer to her when I can't find recipes in fancier books. Her books are great reference works and I would highly recommend the fruit book and vegetable book to add to your library. Anyway, this recipe is based on classic pate sucre (sweet pastry) proportions 1:2:3 - easy to remember! That is to say, 1 part sugar, 2 parts butter and 3 parts flour bound with ice water. Mine goes almost like that, but with some arrowroot and brandy thrown in to increase the 'snap'.

Brandy Sables (makes about 16-18)

50g Icing Sugar
100g Cold Butter (cut into cubes)
100g Plain flour
25g Ground Arrowroot
25g Ground Rice
1-2 tsp Brandy

I make this dough in the food processor and it comes together in a matter of minutes. If you want to make it by hand just rub the butter into the flours, stir in the sugar and bind with 1-2 tsp brandy.

In the processor: whizz the flours and icing sugar together for a few seconds to combine and then add the butter and whizz until it resembles fine crumbs. Dribble in 1 tsp of brandy and pulse again - if it looks too dry then add the second tsp. It should come together into a lump quite quickly - don't over process or the biscuits will be tough.

Take the lump out of the processor and form into a rough log on a piece of greaseproof paper. Wrap and roll it into a log about 5cm diameter. Chill for about and hour or over night.

To bake preheat the oven to 160 C (fan assisted) or 180 C without a fan oven. Slice the log thinly (3-5mm) and lay the pieces on a baking trays lined with greaseproof paper. Bake for 10-15 minutes until only just starting to turn pale gold at the edges. If in doubt, take the trays out and cool one to see if it is crisp enough. (Over baking until they are golden brown will affect the taste.) You can always then put them back in again for a few minutes more. Cool on a wire rack.

Camp Schnapps

I have been experimenting with recipes for rosewater syllabub, having been highly disappointed with the 'Turkish Delight' syllabub in Nigella's, Nigella Bites. (Nigella darling - if I wanted to be hit around the head with a bottle of Cointreau smothered in whipped cream, you and I both know, this blog would be of an entirely different nature). Suffice to say that any Turk worth their salt would balk at this excessive use of booze, lemon juice and orange flower water, a delight it was not.

So I searched in the cupboard and came up with a light and frothy version using fresh pomegranate juice, rose water, vanilla and elderflower vodka. It billowed pinkly out of the glass and tasted of summer. However, the elderflower vodka introduced a note that I felt might be one flavour too much and I wanted something that maintained the purity of rosewater whilst providing the necessary warmth to cut through the cream. A little Internet browse later I had found the delightfully camp rose schnapps pictured above and I await its arrival on Monday. I have also been tinkering with recipes for sable biscuits (from the French sable - meaning sand) aiming to get something that was buttery and crisp without being too sweet or chewy. Several snapped biscuits later I hit on the perfect proportions bound with a dribble of brandy. I will share this recipe with you tomorrow.

Ask and You Shall Be Refunded

I guess it's a sign of the times that I didn't really expect a refund for the duff ebay saffron, without a horrible wrangle of threatening to leave bad feedback etc etc. The seller was fairly new to ebay and so I couldn't really judge their character from their track record. So anyway, I thought having nothing to lose, I would write a polite email and complain about the atrocious quality of the saffron in the hope of sending it back for a refund. When the seller refunded my payment including postage and didn't even want me to send the saffron back, my faith in human kindness was restored. Thank you Martin Palfreyman!

Oral Excitement

That made you look huh? Well I'm not talking about anything more seedy than aniseed, which I have been searching for to put in my Pan De Higo. Our local health food shop said they could order a kilo, but nothing less and I can't see making that much aniseed tea (not even Nick's exuberant digestive system needs that much calming). So I had a mooch online and found a great site (spicy spicy) selling all sorts of things to tantalise the taste buds; lemon myrtle (supposed to be even more lemony than lemon), urfa biber (pepper) flakes (like pul biber but even more savoury, smoky and delicious), tooth picks made from cinnamon bark and wattle seed (tastes like nutty, coffee, bitter chocolate). So I ordered a few bits and pieces and am salivating wildly as I await their arrival.

Friends Reunited

I get the odd email from friends reunited telling me that a new member has signed up from my college - of course it's unlikely to be anyone I knew or wanted to keep contact with or I would have made sure I kept the friendship going once we left. However, it is interesting to see what people in your past are doing, travelling, having babies, becoming computer nerds..... The problem for me is that because I didn't go to school (only college) there is nowhere for me to search for the people that I met as a result of education otherwise (EO). Boy would I like to know what some of them are doing! I know Ninya has become a very successful historical costumier and Tam is touring the underground dens of the north with his plays, but beyond that nothing much. So I guess what I'm saying is that with the growing uptake of home schooling alternatives, there needs to be a site where we hippies and drop outs can go to snoop and brag about what we have all been doing since we didn't leave school, or didn't go to school - you know what I mean. I don't have the technical know-how, but I'm telling you it's a niche just waiting to be filled by some IT entrepreneur.

Humph!

Well I bought some Kashmiri Saffron on ebay that looked ok in the picture. It arrived today and smelt of.....nothing, nothing at all - well maybe a bit of the plastic container it came in. I guess, (like Nick so helpfully said), it was just too good to be true.......

Gratuitous Floral Water Images

Barberries and Flower Water

So I'm doing a little pre-wedding soiree for some 20 friends of a friend at Rousdon Manor on the tranquil Rousdon Estate at the end of the month. The menu they have chosen goes like this: starting with Serrano Jamon, Roasted Tomatoes, Pan de Higo (Fig and Almond cake) and leaves, main course; Shoulder of Lamb stuffed with Saffron rice (with Pistachios and Barberries), orange flower scented gravy, glazed carrots and green beans served with homemade laban (yogurt) flavoured with crushed garlic and for desert a flower water syllabub with triple sec served with sable biscuits and scattered with rose petals and pistachios. Sounds good no? Well if you like middle eastern flavours as I do, then it makes your mouth water something chronic.

Anyway, menu all devised and then happily given the green light by the client, I realised I didn't have half the ingredients I needed. My cupboard is usually over flowing with saffron, rose water, pistachios, barberries, orange blossom water, dried limes and other hard to find (in Dorset) middle eastern delicacies. However, Richard Mabb - the source of all these delights has stopped doing a market stall in town because of his expanding dried delicacies business; Gustosecco. He also used to sell little dried persian figs, chorizo, Serrano, olives, nougat............... I might be a little slimmer since he stopped coming to town (joke), but I miss all those things dearly.

Well I tried finding these things in our local Waitrose - costs the earth and the rose water was not good, the health food shops could only provide the odd bag of pistachios and the Saffron in Morrissons is murderously expensive (they major in pies, what was I expecting?). So I called Richard to see if he could possibly help out, and you know what, like a culinary fairy god mother he promised to look through his stock and pull out what he could and deliver it to a shop in town on his way through. I feel blessed and relieved in equal measure. I'll let you know how the practice dishes go.......

The Morning After....

The gig went well! We had to come up with an extra hour's music for last night and had about a week to do it in, but we managed - just about! It was back at the lovely pub in Branscombe, The Fountain Head where (if you read the last post about playing there) horses ran over the hillside above us and dogs danced with a local man while we played. It's a bit of a magical place really, although last time I did get laryngitis from being outside in the cold singing for hours.

When you're playing (or singing in my case) all thoughts of whether you all get on or not go right out of your head. The music sounded good and there was a great crowd, all packed into the little pub and spilling out into their garden. Joy and the Rainbows came to support us, as did Emma's mum and friend who used to gig themselves, Emma's mother in law (back from doing a one woman show at Edinburgh festival - aged 70!) and Matt's mother - the legendary accordion player. We felt blessed that they had driven all that way to be there.

Because the pub has two doors, children went round and round, in one door, through the pub - laughing hysterically - and folk dancing exaggeratedly out the other door and into the garden to emerge at the door again a few minutes later, rosy cheeked, for another go through the crowd. The smoking ban has made a real difference there, it feels ok to bring kids to a pub now - where they are welcome of course.

So I guess it was a success and now I'm left in a quandary about this whole band thing. See it's such a buzz (I couldn't go to sleep till 2am last night I was so exhilarated!), but you have to spend a lot of time with these people and it's easy to forget that when you're basking in the glow of post gig appreciation. I'm going to sit with it this week and see what I think. Of course I'll let you know........

Anticipation

Isn't anticipation wierd? I'm waiting for my lift to the gig tonight and he's late. I was ok till six fifteen when he was supposed to be here and then as each minute ticked past I found I was a little more anxious. About what I don't know. A flutter of adrenalin would kick off a train of thoughts every minute or so. I would picture myself singing - ok, not forgetting the words, ok, then somehow something would skew the picture and I wonder if it will be ok. Anxiety is so unpredictable. Ah! The lift is here. Hope we make it ok. It will be ok right?

Louise Hay

After my reference to Louise Hay I thought I would go check out her website - the link is on the previous post. I only refer to her because when I was growing up in the 'commune' every illness, accident and physical defect would be referred back to, 'you can heal your life' (one of her books) and given a quasi psychological explanation. For example, you have ear ache, what is it you don't want to hear? You hurt your leg, why are you making your journey hard? Or something like that. Now part of me believes this stuff, in so much as all illness comes from physical stress or susceptibility to disease. But I don't like cod psychology and I think maybe that's what this is. I thought it was interesting that if you look at the picture of Louise on her website, she has obviously botoxed her facial muscles and had some skin tightening. It seems to indicate a certain lack of connection to the inner Louise if you ask me. Louise darling, beauty comes from within us - don't you forget that.

Group Dynamics

Well I started this blog all excited about singing with my new band and I haven't said much about it since. The problem is that these things are never as simple and carefree as they seem. Once you get a bunch of people together group dynamics come into play and you can't avoid it.

We started gigging at the beginning of the summer and then I found that I was rather over committed. What with practicing for gigs and taking care of patients, children, cats on loan and moving house, I got ill. Really ill! I haven't been that ill in years and it took the wind out of my sails completely. Although I croakingly conceded that there might be some sort of Louise Hay style message from my body saying, 'stop talking and take care of yourself you idiot!', it took me a long time to actually do what was necessary. We carers are awful bad at caring for ourselves and taking time out.

What upset me most was that I couldn't sing. I spend a lot of most days singing whatever comes into my head, or some song that I'm working on learning. Some days I really wail and I guess there's a kind of therapeutic value in it too. Well because I couldn't wail or even talk, I felt like I was stuck in this mute cotton wool world. Now you would think that at this point most well wishers would resort to texting their concern, or emailing it, or sending their love through Nick. But one member of the band couldn't step that far outside themselves and continued to ring and ring and even though I came to the phone and croaked a few lines to show how ill I was, they continued to ring.

I'm quite a gentle soul mostly (Nick may beg to differ) , but I am also a plain speaker and it got to the point where I could see that this person was not going to take my hoarse hints to keep their well wishing digital. So I said, 'don't call me again, I'll call you when I'm better'. But I think what this person heard was, 'Don't call me again, I don't like you anymore', and now their feelings are hurt.

So back to the original point which was group dynamics. We have a gig on Saturday. Should be a joyful thing no? Well now it's not. Now there is a fug sitting over every practice because I got ill and said this thing, etc. etc. After last night's practice I woke up with a sore throat and a sinking feeling. I know my body is telling me not to put myself through this any more. When making music becomes a chore, it's time to quit.

Aubergine Koresht

For those of you who have grown your own aubergines (such as my green fingered mother-in-law) this recipe is a way of honouring them and your efforts as a gardener. For the rest of us, it's a nice late summer celebration of the aubergine and a slow dawning that the nights are starting to have a little nip in them which makes you appreciate something warm and round flavoured in the evening.



Aubergine Koresht for 4-6 people

4-5 aubergines (1 kilo approx)
1 large onion
500g boned lamb shoulder
4 flavoursome tomatoes finely chopped
1 whole tomato
3-4 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tsp turmeric
1/4 tsp saffron ground with a pinch of sugar (leave out for SCD version)
cinnamon

Halve the aubergines length ways and make three slits down each of them almost through to the skin. Salt the aubergine halves and lay them face down on kitchen paper for at least two hours, changing the paper once during that time. This salting prevents the aubergines from taking up too much oil when you fry them and shouldn't be skipped!

when this is done, cut the aubergines into 2cm (approx) cubes, heat 1cm depth of oil in a large frying pan and fry in batches until light brown. Drain on kitchen paper and set aside.

Finely chop the onion and fry in a little oil in a deep saucepan until pale golden and soft. While this is happening, cut the lamb into bite sized pieces. Sprinkle the turmeric over the softened onions and stir for 30 seconds to cook out the bitterness. Add the lamb and fry for 8-10 minutes until lightly browned. Sprinkle the saffron over, season with pepper and stir once to coat.

Add the finely chopped tomatoes to the pan and cook gently for ten minutes until the tomato tarts to darken and the sweet smell rises up from the pan.

Pour 250ml boiling water over the meat and bring everything up to the boil. Reduce heat to the lowest setting, cover firmly and leave to simmer gently for about 1 1/2 hours. Check occasionally that the water is not evaporating too fast and top up if need be, but remember the koresht is supposed to have a thick sauce at the end, so some of the water should evaporate during the course of cooking. The less you top it up, the better the flavour will be.

Place the aubergine cubes on top of the meat and spread out into an even layer. There should be just enough liquid to cover the aubergine. Slice the remaining tomato and lay over the aubergine. Do not stir the koresht from this point onwards. Cover and braise gently for another 30 minutes.

Next gently push the koresht aside with a wooden spoon in one spot and pour in the lemon juice. Gently tilt the pan in all directions to distribute the lemon juice evenly. Sprinkle the tomatoes with cinnamon to taste, cover again and simmer for 30 minutes more until the sauce is thick. If it seems too soupy then take the lid off for a bit, but do not raise the temperature as the bottom will burn. If serving with rice, I usually put it on at this point.

Serve sprinkled with chopped fresh herbs such as coriander, parsley, chervil or mint and some finely chopped red onion. Delicious!

Happy Feet

Nick was horrified when I told him I was about to write a post on foot files. 'But Naomi!' he gasped, 'everyone I know will think you have scaly feet now - how will I hold my head up in Bridport?'. 'Not so, my love' I replied (with the voice I use for talking to very small and distressed children), 'they will know that I have happy feet, smoothed by my trusty foot file....'

It is true that as a great walker, cyclist, busy mum and wearer of sandals (well silver slippers) my feet do get a raw deal and I have to keep on top of the situation. For years I have used a standard foot file - a large and rather pricey metal emery board. You have to use this type on dry feet, but it's a lot of hard work (although I read once that Sarah Jessica Parker was never without her foot file, sanding away like a little shoe mender on the set of Sex and the City and this lent it a little more panache for me).

So now to the point. I lost my foot file when we moved (or Finley may have removed it to his bulging make-up bag) and was forced to seek out a new one. Only they didn't have any of the emery board type and I had to buy instead a kind of rasp made by Doctor Scholl. When I showed it to Nick, he told me he had several similar items in his toolbox. I was doubtful, but gave it a go anyway. On my dry feet it did nothing very much except chuff them up a bit - not the desired outcome at all and my feet were starting to concern me. A little crestfallen I tried it one day after the shower and hey presto! It worked, with remarkably little effort and my feet were smooth again. I'm converted!