Group Dynamics

Well I started this blog all excited about singing with my new band and I haven't said much about it since. The problem is that these things are never as simple and carefree as they seem. Once you get a bunch of people together group dynamics come into play and you can't avoid it.

We started gigging at the beginning of the summer and then I found that I was rather over committed. What with practicing for gigs and taking care of patients, children, cats on loan and moving house, I got ill. Really ill! I haven't been that ill in years and it took the wind out of my sails completely. Although I croakingly conceded that there might be some sort of Louise Hay style message from my body saying, 'stop talking and take care of yourself you idiot!', it took me a long time to actually do what was necessary. We carers are awful bad at caring for ourselves and taking time out.

What upset me most was that I couldn't sing. I spend a lot of most days singing whatever comes into my head, or some song that I'm working on learning. Some days I really wail and I guess there's a kind of therapeutic value in it too. Well because I couldn't wail or even talk, I felt like I was stuck in this mute cotton wool world. Now you would think that at this point most well wishers would resort to texting their concern, or emailing it, or sending their love through Nick. But one member of the band couldn't step that far outside themselves and continued to ring and ring and even though I came to the phone and croaked a few lines to show how ill I was, they continued to ring.

I'm quite a gentle soul mostly (Nick may beg to differ) , but I am also a plain speaker and it got to the point where I could see that this person was not going to take my hoarse hints to keep their well wishing digital. So I said, 'don't call me again, I'll call you when I'm better'. But I think what this person heard was, 'Don't call me again, I don't like you anymore', and now their feelings are hurt.

So back to the original point which was group dynamics. We have a gig on Saturday. Should be a joyful thing no? Well now it's not. Now there is a fug sitting over every practice because I got ill and said this thing, etc. etc. After last night's practice I woke up with a sore throat and a sinking feeling. I know my body is telling me not to put myself through this any more. When making music becomes a chore, it's time to quit.